


Our Hands Clasped So Tight

by kristen999



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Post-Episode: s07e25 Ua Mau Ke Ea O Ka Aina I Ka Pono (Life of Land Perpetuated in Righteousness)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 11:04:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11057631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristen999/pseuds/kristen999
Summary: Danny and Steve have always faced things together.  Fix-it coda to 7.25.





	Our Hands Clasped So Tight

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to imaginary_iby, Gaelicspirit, and Esteefee for all your help, critique, and support. This is better because of all three of you.

***

Forty seconds. That was how long Danny was forced to stand by and watch Steve as he removed the rods of uranium from the bomb. Danny could reheat a slice of pizza in the microwave, tie both his boots, and even brush his teeth in less than forty seconds. 

It was nothing, a flash in the pan, inconsequential, but apparently it was enough time to make Steve sick.

Danny stood in the corner of the living room oblivious to the party, all the laughing and dancing blending into the background of the sound of blood rushing in his ears. He plastered on a grin when Chin stopped to chitchat and nodded at the appropriate moments as Lou carried on about…something. 

Steve mingled with his guests, laughing with Abby, and wrapping an arm around Jerry’s shoulders in glee. Danny wanted to share in the celebration. These were the moments, the precious, precious times that made them fight like hell, sacrifice it all. For _this._

But tonight was a ruse; Steve’s smile faltered a little when no one was looking, except Danny, who observed how often Steve leaned on the edge of the sofa, against the wall, or passed on offered food.

 _Now_ he noticed.

“Are you going to lurk in the corner all night, or are you gonna come out and have a good time?” Steve asked, his furled eyebrows begging Dannynot to bring up the dirty little secret from earlier.

Danny wanted to argue; he wanted to pull Steve aside and demand details, anything to mute the non-stop cycle of what-ifs playing in the back of his mind.

_What if he’d been the one to put on that car battery, or given Steve gloves to wear when he handled the bomb, or torn up the truck in search of more things made of lead._

“Danny,” Steve whispered, his voice tight, eyes beseeching. “Let’s have some fun. _Please.”_

And damn it to hell the way Steve said _please_ with every ounce of emphasis possible.

“Okay,” Danny said, plastering on his own fake smile. He’d do it for Steve. “We should celebrate.”

Every muscle in Steve’s body relaxed, his face lighting up in relief. “Great,” he said, clapping Danny on the back. “Duke wants to tell both of us some crazy story about one of the rookies who began his shift this week.”

It only took forty seconds to cross the room, grab a beer, and wait on Abby, Chin, Jerry, and Lou to form a group around Duke. His mind whirled. What if he could have done something to cut down the time needed to remove the uranium? 

Thirty, twenty, even ten fewer seconds -- 

***

 

Adam had called an hour later with to tell them that Kono had taken a flight to L.A. to go after the sex-trafficking ring on her own; the party ended shortly thereafter. Kono left Adam a letter and Chin went to their house. And Steve…Steve went back to HQ to monitor flights despite Danny’s protests _to just stay home and rest._

Sleep was elusive for Danny, not that it often or consistent enough in the past. But Charlie was spending the night and that left Danny home alone with nothing better to do than search the internet. 

 

**Radiation Manual for Emergencies  
Table of exposure levels and symptoms**

_The initial signs and symptoms of treatable radiation sickness are usually nausea and vomiting. The amount of time between exposures and when these symptoms develop is an indicator of how much radiation a person has absorbed._

Danny stared at the screen, muttering the last sentence under his breath, searching for reassurance. He scrubbed a hand over his face, deciphering charts and scientific mumbo jumbo. 

_10 – 50 rem received in a short period or over a long period—we don’t expect observable health effects although above 10 rem your chances of getting cancer are slightly increased. We may also see short-term blood cell decreases for doses of about 50 rem received in a matter of minutes._

_50 – 100 rem received in a short period will likely cause some observable health effects and received over a long period will increase your chances of getting cancer. Above 50 rem may cause mild radiation sickness with headache and increased risk of infection due to disruption of immunity cells._

_100 – 200 rem received in a short period will cause nausea and fatigue. 100 – 200 rem received over a long period will increase your chances of getting cancer. The immune system is depressed, with convalescence extended and increased risk of infection. Temporary male sterility is common._

Forty seconds….

“Couldn’t they put this crap into something regular people can understand,” Danny mumbled. 

He skimmed over the chart. 300 to 500 rem resulted in death for fifty percent of those exposed without immediate medical treatment. Over a 1000 was practically a death sentence.

But they had both been checked head to toe after they'd returned from the jungle….

Danny stared at the Chef’s hat sitting next to his laptop. He rubbed at the letters of his name embroidered at the front, a wan smile tugging at the edges of his mouth, his chest filling with such emotion, it bruised his beating heart.

He sent all the links to his e-mail so he could read everything later when his head wasn’t spinning with the need to jump into his car and find Steve and handcuff him inside Danny’s living room where he could pile blankets over him and cook him a bowl of minestrone. 

His phone rang, jarring him out of feelings of mush and a ridiculous fondness. Of course it was Steve.

“Hey,” Danny answered.

 _“I’ve got a bead on Kono,”_ Steve started without preamble. _“She’s landing at LAX in twenty minutes. I’ve got a member of LAPD meeting her once she lands, and we’ll be able to talk to her.”_

“Maybe we should let her do what she needs to.”

_“Excuse me?”_

Danny continued rubbing at the letters. “Sometimes we just have to follow our heart, babe.”

_“You are clearly not thinking straight.”_

“Says the guy who jumped on a speeding truck earlier today.”

_“Danny….”_

“Kono know what she’s doing, Steve. Let her contact us when she’s ready. She’ll probably call Adam once she lands.”

_“You know I can’t do that.”_

Danny looked over at his muted TV with the late night news replaying video from the rescue, of Steve hanging off the side of the truck. Danny sighed, his heart hurting. “Yeah, I know….”

***

Because of a pre-planned play date, Rachel picked up Charlie to take him to a friend’s birthday party. Danny filled two recyclable bags full of grub and returned to Steve’s house after leaving just twelve hours earlier.

Steve answered the door, and Danny didn’t wait for an invitation to come inside, walking past Steve blithely.

“I brought fixings for homemade vegetable soup, a recipe for delicious oatmeal, and I even stopped by and got you organic yogurt.” Danny went straight into the kitchen and began putting stuff away except for the ingredients for soup, a nice healthy option that was easy on the stomach. 

Steve wandered after him, his hair disheveled, and his face a tad paler than Danny liked. Steve stared at the mess on the counter and picked-up a small brown paper bag, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion. “You bought something from _Four Winds Natural?”_

“Uh-huh.”

“That’s an herb shop.”

Danny washed the vegetables before grabbing a cutting board. “That is very astute of you.”

“Nascent Iodine does not sound very hale and hearty,” Steve said, examining one of the labels.

“It helps lower stored toxins in the thyroid.” _Radioactive ones,_ but Danny didn’t feel the need to elaborate. 

“My thyroid’s fine,” Steve said dismissive. 

“Oh? Did you get a medical degree when I wasn’t looking?”

But Steve ignored him, pulling out more tinctures and bottles. “Dimethylsulfoxide? I think you stole this from a high school chemlab.”

“I will have you know that studies show that stuff detoxifies the body from the effects of radio- isotopes.” Danny ignored Steve’s skepticism as he chopped carrots. 

Steve stared at him. “You know not to believe everything you read on the internet, right?”

“Studies, Steven, as in plural. From Japan.” Danny cut an onion in half. “And I think they know what they’re doing.”

“Concentrated beet powder. Really Danny?”

“It helps rebuild hemoglobin.”

“Danny….”

“Don’t Danny me. If you used a fraction of the mental energy you apply to lethal force to your own health, none of this stuff would be news to you.”

Steve pulled out a large pot and filled it with water, setting it on the stove. “I never figured you for natural remedies.”

“Do you know what, I’m not. I mean I used to not give it a second thought. But Charlie, he'd be up at three in the morning, crying, hadn't slept a wink because he felt so sick, and by that point I was willing to try anything just to make him feel better.” Danny stared at the tomatoes, trying to decide which ones to use. He glanced over at Steve. “So you know, I’ve got first-hand experience.”

Steve frowned and looked down, then leaned his elbows on the counter, his voice pitched low. “I believe in the healing power of nature, and if these types of remedies helped Charlie, I’m sure they’ll give me a boost. The doc already gave me a few herbs and he’s waiting on approval from the Navy for something better.”

“What do you mean, _something better?”_

Steve took that moment to grab salt and pepper from the spice rack. “Chelation therapy.”

“What the hell is that?” Danny demanded. He’d never come across that term during his research. 

Steve waved his hand. “It’s not available to the public yet but, you know, because of my naval status and the circumstances in which I was exposed, they’ve green-lit these injections for me.”

“Injections of what?”

“These synthetic compounds that can remove heavy metals. They think it could really help with long-term side effects.” 

Steve said the last part so nonchalant that Danny wanted to shake him for more information, but recognized Steve’s tight-lipped stance, the whole, _don’t ask me about this anymore while I act like everything is fine._

And Danny wasn’t sure he could face the heartache of pushing the issue any further. 

“Well, that’s good news. I can’t have you poisoning my liver less than a year after receiving the damn thing.”

And that was the crux of it wasn’t it? Not a bullet or stab wound or a broken bone. Poison. 

Danny had given his son some of his bone marrow, and if there was something else he could donate to cure Steve, he would. 

Steve’s expression relaxed, the wrinkles around his eyes crinkling, it was as if he could read Danny’s mind, his demeanor shifting from stiff and defensive to relaxed and relenting. 

“Thanks, Danny.”

Once again, it was Steve’s tone that broke Danny’s heart into a million pieces, so sincere and raw, like no one had ever shown him the type of kindness Danny did. And why was that such a surprise given the fact Steve chose to dismantle the bomb so Danny could avoid exposure?

They risked each other’s lives for the other…and then took turns putting the other back together.

***

After two hours of sitting on the lanai and two more on the sofa watching one of the NHL play-offs, Steve relaxed his head against the back of the cushion, his eyes fluttering closed.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Danny,” he mumbled during the last period of the game.

“Did I say anything?”

“No, but your brain is broadcasting waves of worry so loud, it’s inferring with my nap.”

“I’m broadcasting my annoyance about a complete and utter lack of offense during this power-play.” Danny didn’t mention the need for a nap.

“You worry too much; it’s a waste of energy.”

Danny didn’t dignify that last statement with a response. He worried because it was his job to worry and the complete sum of his life experience proved his justifications.

Everyone he’d ever cared about, that he dared get to close to him, perished in flames. Billy, Meka…the list went on. He’d been thinking about Grace, his ex-partner in Jersey, another person he hadn’t been able to save, murdered right in front of him before the towers fell…

Danny scrubbed his face to rid himself of the memory. He pulled out his phone to text Grace to find out how her day was going; while he stared at the inbox of his e-mail, Steve’s head drifting onto Danny’s shoulder. 

 

 **Radiation Manual for Emergencies  
** Table of exposure levels and symptoms  
_The severity of symptoms and illness (acute radiation sickness) depends on the type and amount of radiation, how long you were exposed, and which part of the body was exposed. Symptoms of radiation sickness may occur immediately after exposure, or over the next few days, weeks, or months. The bone marrow and gastrointestinal tract are especially sensitive to radiation injury._

Forty fucking seconds. What did it even mean?

***

It was almost midnight and Danny still couldn’t sleep. He surfed the web for over an hour and couldn’t find much on Chelation therapy for radiation sickness except some Internet TED talk from a leading biochemist calling it a possible miracle treatment in the distant future. 

_“Chelators are naturally occurring molecules that can form multiple bonds to a single metal ion. Chelators are a long-established treatment for poisoning by heavy metals such as iron, arsenic and lead,” she said to the attentive audience. “There’s no reason why we can’t adapt them to remove uranium and plutonium safely in the same way without interfering with other metals that we need in our bodies.”_

Then she went on about how much funding they needed to continue their research. Right, it was still experimental. 

He powered off his laptop and went to bed soon after.

***

A week had gone by since Kono left them on her crusade. While she didn’t have a plan at first, it only took a few days to get the paperwork together to help create a taskforce designed to track down the sex trafficking ring. 

Being part of Five-O had its advantages including the support of the governor. Steve had worked the phones for days using his pull to ease the logistics nightmare of combining state and federal resources, including manpower.

But this type of unit couldn’t be formed overnight, and Adam had flown out yesterday morning to give his wife moral support.

When Danny’s cell phone rang, it made him smile to see Kono on the caller I.D.

“Hey, how’s the west coast?”

_“Rainy and humid.”_

Danny snorted. “And how is that different from here?”

They chatted about mundane things like the weather and who had the coolest weapons, LAPD or Five-O. Steve’s penchant for the latest and greatest beat the mainland by a mile.

_“Speaking of the boss, do you know where he is? He won’t answer his phone.”_

Danny’s first reaction was to jump up to his feet and peer out his office window, his gut clenching. But then his brain caught up to his heart and he settled down with a heavy sigh. “He’s in a meeting with the DEA over some intel about a possible new drug operation on the islands. They think some new player with a lot of weight is trying to muscle in on things.”

_“Sounds like fun. He hasn’t jumped off a hotel tower or blown-up anything new?”_

“No, but it’s only Thursday.”

_“And he’s okay?”_

“Yeah, why?”

_“Chin said you were acting upset during the party. Only Steve tends to have that effect on you.”_

Danny pulled his phone away from his ear to stare at the picture he took of the prescription bottle in Steve’s desk. Radiogardase or Prussian Blue. He even googled it: _This treatment speeds up the elimination of the radioactive particles and reduces the amount of radiation cells may absorb._

_“Danny?”_

“He’s fine. I was exhausted at the party; you know how it goes.”

_“Chin sent me a picture of you in that chef’s hat; you looked adorable. I think it was a sweet gift.”_

Steve had sported the dumbest, goofiest expression when Danny had finally opened-up the box.

“Yeah, it was.”

_“Careful Williams, your fondness is showing even on the phone.”_

Danny exhaled all the air in his lungs; he was in way over his dumb fat head.

***

It had been a month since the Jerry’s party and Steve’s near-death jump with subsequent, _I have a little radiation sickness, but don’t worry_ announcement. Danny quit watching him like a hawk anytime he went near a bathroom or when he was quieter than usual. Danny was positive he’d developed an ulcer as a result of his 24-hour Steve watch.

But Steve looked less pallid and exhausted than before, and he wasn’t taking as many pills. 

Then, after a slow couple of days, Friday ended the week with a bang.

As hostage stand-offs went, this was in the top five of the most gut-wrenching. A group of middle-school kids were visiting the Federal Reserve for a field trip when a disgruntled ex-employee decided it was the perfect day to demonstrate his instability by waltzing in with a suicide vest while wielding an AK-47.

Of course Steve took it upon himself to confront the hostage-taker by complying with his demands by removing his vest and walking inside unarmed.

“Damn it, Steve, do you need me to paint a bull’s eye on your chest first?” Danny yelled at his retreating back.

Steve didn’t listen to him, marching inside the bank with his hands up, his voice audible over the com, twenty members of the S.W.A.T team ready to rush inside on Steve’s command.

Danny looked around. These men and women were the finest in blue, but none of them had Kono’s aim, and there were twenty children at stake and maybe, just maybe, they might lose sight of the over confident Navy SEAL who had already used up all nine lives and then some.

“Come on McGarrett,” Lou muttered under his breath. “Move just a little more to the right for our guys.”

 _“Mr. Rodriquez, let the kids go, take me instead,”_ Steve said over the com.

Chin cursed out loud and Danny had no problem telling Steve what he exactly thought of his idiotic move through the com.

Then everything happened at once, kids crying as they started running out of the building, the startled yelp of the hostage taker, and Steve’s shout of, _“Suspect down, suspect down!”_

***

“What’s the matter with you?” Danny yelled, following Steve to the back of the Camaro. “We have S.W.A.T and hostage negotiators for a reason.”

Steve opened up the trunk and stored his tac vest then slammed the lid closed with an annoyed huff. He stared at Danny with an exasperated frown. “The hostage negotiator wasn’t here. _I was.”_

“You should have waited.” God, Danny sounded like a broken record; he should record his rants and play them back.

“If I had waited, those kids would have been put in more danger.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest. “Roger Rodriquez was highly unstable.”

Danny threw his hands up into the air. “More reasons why you should have allowed an expert to proceed. Rodriquez didn’t personally call you out or demand to speak to the head of Five-O. No, you choose to go inside without a vest which was designed to protect you from bullets!”

“I complied with the guy’s demands. And by the way, the kids are safe and our suspect in custody,” Steve growled, his breathing heavy in annoyance. “So, what’s the matter?”

“Do I need to count the ways?” Danny asked, flabbergasted, his blood pressure jumping. “In the last four weeks you’ve put yourself in several ridiculous, high-risk situations that probably should have resulted in your death.”

“You’re overreacting. I’ve evaluated every one of those circumstances and calculated the odds of reasonable success.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Danny. _Really.”_ The pulse in the side of Steve’s neck beat wildly. 

“And would you have allowed me to do any of the same things?” Danny asked, daring Steve to flat out lie. Because there was no way in hell he would have allowed any other member of his team to put themselves in such danger. 

“You’re not trained for the same situations as I am.”

Danny rubbed his hands over his face as he listened to the same, flawed reasoning that Steve always used to defend himself. “And did you learn how to land on a moving truck in SEAL school?”

“I learned how to adapt to dangerous situations, including extremely physically challenging ones.”

Danny laughed at Steve’s straight-faced defiance, because his brain didn’t know how else to react. “And today? Because the last I checked, Chin, Lou, and I were just as qualified in hostage situations.”

“Look, I’m tired of arguing about this.” Steve looked over at the driver-side door like he was going to end the conversation by walking away. “Why don’t we–”

“Borrowed time,” Danny said, cutting Steve off. “You think you’re living on borrowed time and that’s something that I know a lot about. Except I used to think I was living on time I didn’t deserve, and you think you have less than you probably planned.”

“Danny….”

“I think you’re afraid of facing the unknown. You’d rather take these insane risks than face your own mortality. And what tears me up inside is the fact you do it in some perverted illusion of sparing the rest of us.”

“That’s my job,” Steve snapped, angry.

But Danny was angry, too. Angry, scared, and tired of watching Steve risk his life. “No, your job is to catch the bad guys and come home alive.” He swallowed his voice thick, feeling wrecked. “You owe it to the people who love you.”

Steve stared, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “That dirty bomb didn’t change me, Danny. I’ll always do what I think is right.” He ducked his head his voice warbling slightly. “And for your information, I _always_ fight to make it home…To-to you.”

Someone called Steve’s name, and he didn’t seem to think twice before doing an about face, walking away in search of the person, leaving Danny feeling a warmth fill his chest.

***

Danny missed experiencing four seasons a year, the only difference between summer and winter on the island was ten degrees. Halloween was creeping up and he longed to watch some leaves change color.

Steve hadn’t done anything reckless since their last ‘talk’, giving him a few weeks reprieve. Danny counted that a win. But it didn’t stop him from always wondering when the next horrible thing would happen; he was sure the constant sense of dread contributed to his mood swings. 

“I told you not to take a side road,” Danny said, watching Steve stare out the windshield like it mocked him.

“Traffic on H-1 is backed-up because of that overturned pineapple truck.”

“I won’t even dignify that with a response.”

“This takes us around the snarl and toward the exit we need to go.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Danny flapped his hand. Gazing out the window, his attention was diverted by the sight of a redbrick building. “Hey, turn here.”

“Where?”

Danny gestured at the lone building. “Into this parking-lot.”

Tires screeched, and Danny’s face almost smacked the window. “Easy, easy!”

“You try doing a nine-point turn in three seconds.” Putting the Camaro in park, Steve looked around at their surroundings, confused. “What are we looking at?”

Danny released his seatbelt and opened the passenger-side door, ignoring Steve’s annoyed grumble. Outside, Danny took in the abandoned building in front of him. The brick was old, parts of it crumbling; there was a black awning dotted with holes, and the wooden front door was painted green. It was definably not Hawaiian architecture. 

Steve walked up beside him, the sun reflecting off his sunglasses. “This is the old King Bakery; they used to have the best masalas.”

“What happened to it?”

“A fire destroyed it the first month I returned to the island.” Steve stared at it like he was reliving lost memories, his face softening, a half smile tugging at his lips.

“Why didn’t they rebuild it?”

Steve shrugged, still staring. “Too much work?” 

Danny made a noncommittal noise and Steve bumped his shoulder with his arm. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”

“Oh yes. I can’t wait to part take in a joint exercise with the DEA. Fun times.”

“Today’s just the meeting.”

“Even more exciting,” Danny grumbled. 

Steve stood behind Danny and, using his stupid height to his advantage, started moving, all but herding him back to the car. Danny rolled his eyes, because he allowed it.

***

Celebrating Grace’s surprise birthday took more planning than a drug raid on a warehouse. Danny had to coordinate with Lou and Will to invite the right people and to host the party on a day when Rachel didn’t already have plans.

He stood under an outdoor tent as Chin grilled burgers, and twenty of Grace’s closest friends danced on the beach to music with more bass than melody. He let out an audible sigh.

“Hey,” Steve said, walking over. He wore a gray tank top and black shorts and was sporting a goofy smile and a healthy tan. “You did good buddy.”

“Yeah,” Danny replied with little enthusiasm. 

Another carload of giggling teenagers arrived and Danny watched them run in excitement. He stared at the coolers they brought with suspicion. 

“You want me to conduct a search of the contents,” Steve asked, reading Danny’s mind. The thing was, Steve meant it and he would play bad cop if Danny asked and it somehow made him feel marginally better about the whole situation. 

“Don’t tempt me,” Danny muttered. 

Grace, squealing in delight, greeted the newest arrivals before they started setting up a volleyball net.

“Where’d the time go?” Danny lamented. “It seems like only a couple of years ago I was giving her a bath and picking out her clothes.”

Steve wrapped an arm around Danny’s shoulders, strong and reassuring. “You’ve got a lot more memories to build with even bigger milestones.” Steve rubbed his hand up and down Danny’s arm, his smile bright. “And you get to do it all over again with Charlie. You’ll keep building more and more.”

But it wasn’t enough for Danny, it never had been. “I want as many memories as possible, and I want to create them with the most important people in my life,” he said, staring at Steve and trying not to sound so damn wistful.

Steve ran a hand down the side of Danny’s face before. “So, do I…”

***

Mondays were hard, but the Monday after Grace’s birthday hit like a sledge hammer to Danny’s heart. Steve didn’t swing by to car share because of his quarterly meeting with the Governor; it was a blessing in disguise. Danny had woken up feeling down and it always took him a while to face the world and mingle with everyone else.

It was days like this when he missed Kono. Three months already felt like three years, but he knew the unit she created had been given a one-year assignment. She was making a difference.

Once he reached HQ, Danny made a beeline for the coffee maker then took a detour toward Chin’s office when he noticed the other man sitting in his chair and staring off into space.

He knocked on the window until Chin waved him inside. “Everything, okay?” Danny asked, not sure if he wanted an answer. He was running out of energy for everything.

“Yeah, I was just thinking.”

“That’s some serious thinking.”

Chin laughed, staring at his phone, face pensive. “Coughlin called me over the weekend. He really needs an answer about San Francisco.”

“Yeah?” Danny shouldn’t have been surprised, but somehow he was still taken aback. 

“Hawaii is my home and Five-O is part of my family, but I really think I could make a difference and help more people.” It sounded like Chin was trying to convince himself of his own argument. 

“And lead your own team,” Danny added, because who wouldn’t grab for that brass ring?

“Career advancement aside, I think the change could help Abby and reach a new phase in our lives together,” Chin said, sounding contemplative. 

“Then I say go for it.” 

Chin’s head shot up and he looked at Danny in surprise. “Really?”

Danny felt it in his bones—this was a good thing for Chin and he would support him in every way. “A new career, new city. Not to mention San Francisco is a great place to raise a family.”

Chin’s whole face lit up. “Sara would love it.”

“Sounds like a win-win.”

“Five-O would be down two people,” Chin said, letting the implication hang in the air. He shook his head. “I just don’t know. I still have time to think about it.”

Life could change in seconds. 

***

The DEA was right about a new drug-running syndicate on the island. They left a trail of breadcrumbs for Five-O to follow so they could all have a _chat._ Of course Chin and Lou were out chasing a different lead, leaving Danny and Steve surrounded by eight bad guys. Both their discarded weapons had been kicked out of reach.

Danny stood beside Steve, who stared at the leader with barely-restrained contempt. 

“Commander McGarrett, your team’s reputation precedes you,” the leader said with a bemused grin. 

“And whom do I have the pleasure of speaking to?” Steve asked, equally sarcastic. 

“Oscar.”

Danny raised an eyebrow and Steve glanced over at him in a mix of disbelief _and are you fucking serious,_ the two of them sharing a moment, before Steve turned his attention to the bad guy. “Like Oscar the Grouch?”

It ruffled Oscar’s feathers as intended. The guy rubbed a hand through his dark, gelled-up hair in annoyance; he was young, in his late twenties with a gym-monkey physique. 

“Do you think you’re the first person to make that joke?” Oscar asked. 

“No,” Steve said, unconcerned and a little cocky. “But given your operation, it makes sense.”

Oscar stepped closer to Steve, lips twisted in a snarl. “Do you have the balls to say what you’re thinking?”

“What?” Steve asked. “That your operation is rooted in shit because and you roll around in it all day?”

Oscar’s nostril’s flared and he looked over at one of his men and jerked his head. Before Danny could react, the guy jammed the end of his assault rifle between Steve’s shoulder blades. 

Steve fell to his knees, his face screwed up in pain. Danny stepped in front of him, but hands grabbed him by the vest and yanked him back. Danny elbowed the asshole in the face and started toward Steve. 

After one step, someone cold cocked him in the jaw, and his vision greyed.

“Hey!” Steve yelled.

“Steve.” Danny’s voice sounded pained instead of full of warning not to react impulsively. 

The result was instantaneous; he heard the dull thuds of bone smashing flesh. By the time Danny’s vision cleared, two bad guys were on the ground and another three struggled to contain Steve, each of them grabbing him by the arms and shoulders like a bucking bull.

Oscar punched Steve in the face, and when Steve continued struggling, Oscar drove his fist into Steve’s abdomen. Steve doubled over, his legs folding under him as the other thugs held him up.

Breathing hard, Oscar grabbed Steve by the collarbone and punched him two more times in the gut. All Danny could think was: _this asshole is hurting Steve._ And something short-circuited inside Danny’s brain.

Danny lunged forward. Oscar turned his head just as Danny smashed him the face with his fist. Oscar’s neck snapped back and Danny struck him again, a hard glancing blow to the side of Oscar’s head, knocking him to the ground. 

Danny went to strike him again when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t pay attention to who he hit, it was all instinct and anger. He kicked one guy in the kneecap and plowed into another one so hard with his shoulders that the other’s guy whole body spun around in an uncontrolled fall. Another man's face appeared in his line of sight and he sent his elbow into the guy’s nose, breaking it.

He saw the barrel of an assault rifle aimed at his head, and thought, _fuck, this is the end._

Danny jerked when he heard two shots ring out, the guy holding the weapon collapsing in a heap, revealing Steve standing behind him, holding his Sig.

“Steve.” Danny breathed again, seeing him whole and well.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, walking toward him, concern etched into his features. 

“Yeah,” Danny said, his adrenaline rush fading. He looked around for danger and realized all the bad guys were either dead or unconscious.

“Are you sure?” Steve asked, running a hand over the side of Danny’s face.

Danny grimaced when Steve’s touched a tender spot and he pulled way. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

But Steve didn’t look certain, his eyes scanning Danny from head to toe. Seemingly convinced that he was in one piece, Steve started yelling. “Then do you want tell me what the hell that was all about?” 

“That sonofabitch was using you as a punching bag,” Danny growled. Furious, he inched closer to Steve, his eyes scanning Steve’s face and posture for signs of injury. “He hit you in the gut.”

Steve’s forehead furrowed as he stared at Danny in confusion, and really; this was what ticked Danny off to high heaven. “He punched you in very vital areas,” because _damn it,_ Steve couldn’t afford any more organ damage, “and do you know what would have happened if he kept whaling on you like that? Seconds count, Steve!”

And as soon as the words came out of his mouth, Danny froze, the implication of his actions hitting him. Steve continued to gaze at him, his features softening. “Besides, my liver might not appreciate the abuse,” he added in an attempt to defuse his emotions. 

Only Steve could go from confused to fondness after killing someone. He rested a comforting hand on Danny’s shoulder. “I’m okay.”

“Yeah, well I’d rather get a professional’s opinion on that, if you don’t mind.” Because Danny wouldn’t risk a damn thing to chance, like some delayed complication.

“Fine, I’ll go to the ER.”

“Like you have a choice,” Danny muttered. Steve was going to be checked out by a doctor even if Danny had to handcuff him and drag him, screaming and kicking, the whole way to the hospital.

Then Danny would pass out in bed and pull the covers over his face until he forced the memories of tonight into some dark black hole.

***

Danny was proud of Steve, two days after the ambush; they didn’t dive into the next case. Steve mentioned something about catching up on paperwork, and while the ER doc said Steve was fine, he’d been a bit off since that night.

It made Danny’s skin crawl with anxiety. 

And what didn’t help Danny’s nerves? Watching some naval officer enter HQ and head toward Steve’s office and close the door behind him.

Danny made coffee, rebooted all the computers and the surface table, and thought about sweeping the floor even though a cleaning service did that every night. 

The minute the navy guy exited Steve’s office and left the building, Danny barged inside. “What the hell was that about?”

Steve closed his laptop and fixed Danny with exasperated look. “Nothing.”

“Nothing sounds like something.” Steve sighed and it made the blood rush in Danny’s ears. “Did it have to do with that Chealton thing?”

“You mean Chelation, and no, it didn’t have anything to do with that.”

“So, it’s fine? I mean, you stopped taking those injections weeks ago.” Not that Danny was monitoring or anything. 

Danny must have been as visibly upset as he sounded, because Steve spoke in a very calm and compassionate manner. “I stopped two months ago, and yes, everything’s fine.”

“Then what was with the visit?”

“It was just a consult about a theft ring out of Pearl-Hickman,” Steve explained, leaning back in his seat. “Commander Bailey wanted my advice before going to NCIS.”

The hair along the back of Danny’s neck up, unbelieving. “And that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Danny shook his head. “I’ve shared all night stakeouts, steel cages and hospital rooms with you, Steve. I know when you’re holding something back.”

Danny didn’t wait for Steve to argue as he stormed out of the office, slamming the door closed behind him.

***

It was easy to avoid Steve for the entire day, but if they both wanted to go home, they still carpooled together. Danny thought about taking a taxi, but it would be over a hundred dollars with evening traffic. 

Danny was good at the silent treatment; he’d perfected it with Rachel and, on occasion, even with the jerk driving his car. This of course was ruined the moment Danny realized Steve was taking the long way.

“If you’re doing this to annoy me it’s not going to work,” Danny said.

But Steve had perfected his hundred yard stare out the window and ignored him. 

“If you turn here, we can get onto H1.” Danny pointed at the road.

Steve drove past the onramp that could have taken them closer to his house. Danny wanted to blow a gasket, but instead, he started tapping on his arm rest and fidgeted in his seat. 

When Steve pulled into a parking lot, Danny threw his hands up in the air. “Now what the hell? If this is some idiotic attempt to talk, I’m not having it.”

“Just look,” Steve grunted.

Annoyed, Danny stared out the windshield at an abandoned red brick building. “You brought us to that old bakery. So what?”

“Open the glove box.”

“What?”

“Just open it,” Steve insisted.

Not wanting to drag things out, Danny unlocked the glove compartment and pulled out a large envelope. He read the label. _Doi / Luke, Attorneys at Law, LLLC._

His curiosity piqued, Danny opened the envelope, and pulled out a thick set of papers. “What am I looking at?”

“Pre-approval on a mortgage.”

This time when the hair stood up along the back of Danny’s neck, it was followed by goose bumps across all of his skin. “What?”

Steve shifted in his seat, squirming. “It’s the paperwork on a pre-offer with the seller’s agent,”

“You’re trying to buy an abandoned bakery?”

“No, it’s…for a restaurant, if you’d like to try to renovate it.” 

Danny felt like he was in the middle of daze, his brain unable to comprehend things. He opened the door and stepped outside to try to clear his head.

He heard the other car door open and close as Steve walked over to stand beside him.

Danny stared at some of the crumbling bricks, his chest tightening. “I don’t understand. Steve, we can’t…I mean, I can’t accept this.”

“I have over ten years of combat pay sitting in the bank doing nothing….”

Danny looked over at Steve, head reeling. “What about Five-O?”

“I told Chin to take the offer in San Francisco. He, Abby, and Sara deserve the opportunity.”

“Are you…?” Danny wracked his brain for signs that Steve had gotten sick again, symptoms that Danny had memorized to keep track of so he could catch them. Panic felt like a lighten rod inside his chest. “Did you get some bad news?”

Steve’s eyes widened as if realizing what he could have implied. He touched Danny’s arm, warm and caring. “No, it’s nothing like that. According to my last my check-up, I’m doing well.”

“And the long-term?” Even though Danny had accused Steve of fearing the unknown, it was the thing that scared Danny to death, his anxiety for Steve a constant struggle.

“I don’t have crystal ball,” Steve said matter of fact. Taking a deep breath, he looked at Danny like a man at ease with life. “I took the treatment and the doc was a lot more optimistic than before about possible side effects down the road.”

“Then, why?”

“Because….” Steve licked his lips nervously. It was so damn endearing. “It's what you’ve been talking about for a while. And it’s all good to go if you like it... If…if you want it. If you want _me."_

“If I want you…” Danny said his heart pounding. 

Steve’s cheeks flushed. “Yeah.” He stepped closer, his proximity making Danny’s body heat spike. 

Danny couldn’t help the dopey smile across his face, how his chest tightened in anticipation. “After all this time….” 

“It’s long overdue.”

Steve dropped his hands onto Danny’s shoulders and gave them a long, slow squeeze. Danny couldn’t wait any longer and he surged forward to kiss him, closing his eyes as their lips met. Danny’s face went slack with pleasure; he’d wanted this for days, weeks, maybe years. 

Steve’s lips were soft and moist, his stubble rough against Danny’s skin, his arms tight around Danny’s back. It was perfect and wonderful and made Danny’s toes curl. 

Steve smiled, his expression ridiculously pleased, his arms loose around Danny’s waist. “Those are some talented lips.”

“I am multi-talented, Steven. Something you’ll learn soon, very soon.”

Steve arched his eyebrows in challenge and Danny laughed. Yeah, this was good.

“So, do you really think building and running a restaurant is going to satisfy your need to blow-up things and raise havoc?” Danny asked.

“Well, I did talk to someone at Pearl-Hickman and they want me to teach a few classes to Special Forces teams rotating in and out every month.”

“Of course you will.” But Danny was thrilled Steve would still retain an important part of his life. And Steve was beaming; it’d been a long time since Danny had seen him this content. “I can’t believe this is happening. I mean, the whole hijacking my restaurant idea aside....”

Steve rolled his eyes, stepping back, his voice tight with sincerity. “It hit me a couple of months ago when we were standing in this parking lot, in that moment; I knew I wanted to do this.”

Danny couldn’t believe it. “Forty seconds,” he mumbled his mind still whirling. 

“What?”

“You made this big life decision in the moment.” 

Steve bobbed his had side to side. “Yeah, I did.”

Danny shook his head at the irony. Seven years side-by-side, and it dawned on Steve to share his life with Danny in a parking lot. “Well, babe. I’m very glad you finally did something about it.”

***

Two weeks after packing up his office and turning in his detective’s shield and gun, Danny woke-up in the middle of the night in a panic.

After two decades of pouring his heart and soul, he was no longer a cop. He didn’t wear the badge anymore and it made his pulse jump.

A warm hand touched his shoulder. “You okay?” Steve asked his voice thick with sleep.

“Yeah,” Danny breathed, wrapping his fingers around Steve’s. 

“You sure?”

“You have to teach at the crack at dawn, now go back to sleep.”

Steve curled onto his side and burrowed closer to Danny, latching onto him like an octopus. The snuggling helped chase the anxiety away, and Danny closed his eyes against the creeping self-doubt.

***

Every inch of Danny’s clothes were covered in dust, and instead of heading home to take a shower, he was forced to listen to two children bicker over who got to play with the shiny new toy.

Steve stood with his hands on his hips, his hanging tool belt riding low around the waist of his jeans; it was a little distracting. “I said I was going to use the reciprocating saw.”

Lou stood in front of Steve, holding the power tool protectively in both hands. “That hard hat ain’t no army helmet and you’re not the captain of this demolition.”

“No, I’m the Commander of this demolition,” Steve said, holding out his hand in a 'gimme' gesture.

“You got to use the jack-hammer yesterday,” Lou argued. “I get to saw through that wall. So if would kindly move out of the way…”

“Enough.” Danny huffed, walking over and grabbing the saw from Lou’s possession. “I’m going to destroy things for a change. Why don’t you two do something useful like sweep the floor.”

Danny smirked at Steve’s indignant pout while he plotted a dozen different scenarios involving removing Steve’s tool belt and dirt-streaked t-shirt in the back of his car.

***

Danny’s cell phone vibrated and he look down at his latest text and shook his head. He looked over at Steve, who sat on their new bar stool, still dressed in his fatigues from a late night class. “Chin does know I wouldn't know what to do with kimchi to save myself, right?"

“Maybe humor him?” Steve said reaching behind the bar for a bottle of beer. “Kono’s flight has been delayed again and he’s bored.”

“Well, by the time she lands, it’s going to be morning.” Danny smacked the side of Steve’s hand. “We’re opening in a week; how about saving the inventory for paying customers.”

“Since my labor is free, this is my tip for what I know is going to be another ten hours of work.”

“You’ve already had two beers this week, hence, no more until Friday. You’re on a quota, remember?” Danny would always be overprotective about Steve’s liver. 

“I remember,” Steve said before drinking half the bottle. 

Danny threw up in his hands, wondering if it was too late to ask Steve’s CO to send him on survival training for the next few days.

 

***  
Danny stood in the parking-lot as the crane hoisted the sign that would soon be fitted to the front of his and Steve’s restaurant. It was almost a year to the date when Danny had asked Steve to pull over when he’d caught sight of the red bricks.

Steve stood beside him watching the construction crew finish the tedious process, his hand twitching.

“You can’t help them,” Danny reminded him.

“I know.”

But Steve started bouncing on the balls of his feet as the sign was lowered in place. Danny rested a hand on Steve’s arm. “Settle down.”

After twenty minutes and the ear shattering noise of drills, Danny peered at the finished product in a mix of sorrow and joy.

Steve grinned as he gazed up at the sign. _“Grazia’s_ has a nice ring to it, not as well as _Steve’s,_ but it works.”

“It’s an Italian restaurant, it should have an Italian name.”

“Italian fusion.”

Danny wasn’t going to argue for the hundredth time about island influenced Italian food, not with a guy who thought puka dogs made a great lunch. 

Steve stood behind Danny and wrapped his arms around his shoulders and drew him close. “I think the name honors some of the most important people in your life.”

“My grandmother, my daughter, and one of my partners.” One of several he’d lost. But never again.

Danny’s breath hitched as memories flooded his mind. Steve lowered his arms, wrapping them around Danny’s chest and kissed the side of Danny’s face, sweet and loving.

Danny found Steve’s hands and gripped them into his own. “Two of them are no longer a part of my life and one will be moving out before I know it. But there’s this other person, this ridiculous control-freak who drives my car and who thinks climbing a mountain with fifty pounds of gear is a fun time, well that guy, I kind of want to spend the _rest of my life_ with him.”

***

The bar at _Grazia’s_ bustled with energy, every stool was full and the drinks poured. And like most nights, Danny got pulled into conversations about the latest big case on the islands and asked for the occasional bit of advice. And Steve would awe the patrons about Five-O’s shenanigans, earning him some pretty big tips.

Of course one of the few Italian restaurants on the island became a cop bar at night, and Danny was pretty okay with it all, relishing every beautiful moment.

 

***  
Fini-  
Title from Death Cab for Cutie's “I Will Follow You Into the Dark”


End file.
